[ T H E O F F I C I A L B L O G O F N A K ]

You down, sun? #sundown #dusk

Tue, 21 May 2013 19:38:50 -0700

You down, sun?
#sundown #dusk

[PART 2] THE ADVENTURES OF NAK (IN THE PHILIPPINES): THE LAST STAGE

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:30:24 -0700

I write this post sitting on a bamboo bench, still in the Philippines. I’m utterly wracked with anxiety in discovering the upcoming results of my NCLEX-RN which is expected to have already arrived in the mail by the time I return home in a few days. Every day, I pathetically reminisce about the NCLEX and dissect every possible question that I could remember. Based off of poor recollection and myopic data relying entirely on foggy recall and my general feeling of dread and disgust after the test, I conclude that I am highly unlikely to pass this test. But I hear this is a natural response for most people. Even my NCLEX review professor didn’t think she passed the first time she took it. But despite it all, I have been attempting to mentally retain all of my nursing knowledge in the event that I do in fact fail and I have to retake the test once again. I’m a lot more cautious and paranoid than most people. And so, I’ve been starting small and have been reviewing my nursing knowledge in my mind a little bit… in particular, I recently have been thinking about Erikson’s theory of the stages of human development; I start here because I am weak with Pediatric nursing and growth and development is a big thing when one studies this subject. Well in general, I just suck with kids. I’m not very playful or approachable. Anyways, I secretly find Erikson’s theory quite interesting and highly relevant: from birth to death, Erikson theorizes that the entire span of a human’s life can be stratified into unique, progressive stages- a collection of milestones, even- in which one can only effectively progress through the stages if they master the prerequisite conditions.

Our trip to the Philippines consisted of a few unexpected, identical contingencies. Two in particular. Enter a woman in her late 80s. Since my birth, this woman has been a prominent leader in the old church we used to attend in Los Angeles. In fact, she was my mother’s Sunday School teacher and has been a very close family friend. She supported my family in many aspects: she played a critical role in the forging of the relationship and inevitable marriage of my parents, and supported my growth as a child financially and spiritually through consistent prayer. She is famous for her generosity and is responsible for sponsoring the education of many youth in both the United States and in the Philippines, providing many with an opportunity for a brighter future. Her life to me was the indefinite example of servanthood and love. One afternoon, we visited her house here in the Philippines; the first time I have seen her in many years (maybe five or six). She was much more decrepit and frail since I last saw her. Her ability to do ordinary activities of daily living was severely diminished and she required assistance for many things. At the end of our visit, we prayed for her and during the prayer, it was said that this perhaps may be the last time we see her. The possibility was sobering. When we said our potentially final goodbyes, my mother held her once more, crying. It was a prolonged embrace, in which their bodies seemed to have melted into each other as tears choked every other breath. For a moment, my world crashed and the image of my mother holding for the last time, this precious old woman will forever be seared into my memory. My heart sank and I’m sure there were tears behind my father’s sunglasses.

I always felt rather intimidated by one of my grandfathers here in Ilo-Ilo. He had a very solemn demeanor and he exuded a very resolute aura of strength. My last notable memory of him was nearly a decade ago: I was seated in my family’s elevated bamboo home during a rainy day, and through a trellis of woven bamboo, I saw him, expressionless face, gripping his wrist behind his back, with a long machete slung on his waist. When I had first arrived in the hometown of my grandmother, a small farming community in a mountainous region in Ilo-Ilo, it was immediately brought to my attention that one of my lolos (grandfather) has been ill. I was urged to visit him. After a long, humid walk through unharvested fields in the heat of the day, we finally had arrived at my lolo’s humble home. I saw him laying there completely emaciated, skin and bone, with obvious disfigurement to his facial features. I conducted a very thorough physical assessment and during my work, it hit me: initially, I did not recognize him. Seeing the deformity in his face, I asked for a picture of him prior to his illness in order to provide some kind of baseline and suddenly, his identity became striking clear to me. The memories of my intimidated feelings of him crashed through the gates of my mind as I- now petrified- idly gazed upon my lolo who was now but a sickly shadow of the former warrior I interpreted him to be. Later in the week, we had the opportunity to collaborate with a few doctors doing a medical mission here and we were lucky to have obtained a prescription for a nasogastric tube and other pertinent medication orders (a nasogastric tube is a feeding tube that you enter through the nose that ends in the stomach, providing a more direct route of feeding for patients who are unable to swallow or risk taking anything through the mouth for any reason). Mind you, there is no hospital access in this community. There is no clinic. There is no healthcare here nor are there any healthcare professionals. So I went to my lolo’s house three times a day to assess, give medications, and feed him through the tube. He had difficulty speaking and after a great while attempting to decipher his ominous hand gestures, we finally uncovered his need: he wanted to see his sons, working on other islands in the Philippines, for the last and final time. When his sons (my uncles) came later in the week, they did not expect him to be in such grave condition, and they cried over him. During one of my visits on a hot afternoon, something interesting happened. My lolo was more restless than usual so we decided to sit him upright and let his feet dangle off the side of the bed. He was too weak to support his own weight so as we hoisted him up, one of his sons supported his back with his arms extended while the other held his shoulders, standing in front of him. They held the position for several minutes like proud soldiers, hoisting their colors. The scene of two sons, supporting their sick and weak father to sit upright on the side of the bed strummed a very loud chord in my heart and never will I forget that moment. This symbolic picture of love melted my heart and on the inside, I was moved mightily to tears.

The end of life is a peculiar thing. Death always has a way to make people think. I was thinking a lot about my NCLEX lately which had resulted in me thinking about Erikson’s theory of development; the last stage of his theory is “Integrity vs. Despair.” Will the individual in this final stage of his or her life look back upon their life in proud achievement appreciating great meaning and value, or wallow in regret? In these two separate cases, I feel as if their lives have been blessed tremendously, and filled with the same love and sacrifice they showed for those they fought for. The final warm, tear-filled embrace from my mom to her life-long mentor and the old man being propped upright by his two sons… these actions scream a louder picture than what my limited vocabulary could ever describe. It somehow makes me wonder what sort of experiences Erikson had in witnessing those in their final stages of life to make such an accurate assessment and formula for the final stage of his developmental theory. I wonder even if Erikson’s theory is vicariously based upon his own life… I wonder what sort of pain Erikson felt.

Verse of the day:

Philippians 1:21

“For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

nak.

[PART 1] The (Panoramic) Adventures of NAK (in the Philippines): Farming

Sun, 19 May 2013 22:10:12 -0700

“Pesticides… herbicides… even the fertilizer. It effects us. Even the rice you eat.”

“What is the solution to these things?”

“Organic. Everything must be organic.”

I spent my first weekend in the Philippines near Laoag, in a primarily rural farming community in Ilocos Norte. This is my mom’s quaint and cozy hometown. A place where the narrow network of roads are but a crowded- and seemingly cataclysmic- path for motor vehicles of all sorts, cyclists, and pedestrians alike while fumes, smoke, the purring of approaching engines, and the sticky humidity consume your senses. I certainly have missed this place, and though a mad contrast to what I’m used to, this place feels oddly like home. I had the awesome opportunity to spend a dope weekend with my cousins, nieces and nephews, some of whom I have not seen in nearly five years. Those little children who I at first bonded with years ago have grown to be older, tremendously wiser, and full of unique and fun character I had never experienced before. I also discovered many new additions to the family. I really missed them.

Now that I have made a tiny presence in the underground Hip-Hop community, have received my Bachelor’s degree in my field, and completed my board exam (and hopefully freakin’ passing), and just being a bit older and wiser (but certainly not more mature), returning to the Philippines at this stage in my life has a much deeper meaning to me than it normally does. I feel as if before I could proceed any further with my journey in life, God is calling me to take something here before I go. The entire weekend, my mind was marinating with the ideas of dreams and destiny. During our travels from place to place, I gazed upon the poverty that surrounded me and reflected long upon how fortunate I am to have been blessed with the means and capability to pursue my dreams. If it had not been for the efforts of my parents, my family, and even my grandparents and ancestors, I would hardly be confident in believing my current life would be possible.

One evening, on the terrace of the house I was staying at, I was pondering (and yes, I was gazing into the “night sky”). I pondered the price for my many freedoms as well as for the capability to pursue my dreams. I thought about the many sacrifices and struggles of my family that allowed for this abundant life that I have. I even wondered what the dreams of my ancestors looked like: my lolos and lolas and their lolos and lolas too (grandmothers and grandfathers). I recall, at a Denny’s, a moment when a friend of mine asked a question that made my mind tinker: “would you sacrifice your own dreams so that your children could pursue theirs?” I still think about that a lot. I was always told that my family worked and toiled for my generation so that we could enjoy the luxuries they never had. I truly believe that the selfless nature of their ambition is one of the reasons why I am who I am, and I know that God had played the main role in orchestrating this. Thus, I realized- in essence- that this place is where the seed of my future was planted. It started here, among perhaps many other places, and I am grateful for all the love I have been blessed with. Because of the dreams of my family, I am able to pursue my own. But many times I am selfish.

The night before I left, my uncle said something that resounded deep within me. We were discussing a variety of things bouncing from tangent to tangent and in a short while, the focus of the conversation revolved around Philippine History and in particular, the Marcos Era. I asked him how the Marcos Regime’s implementation of martial law effected my uncle and its effects on his life as a farmer. He commended Marcos and praised his intelligence and ideals. The discussion then bore themes of politics, globalization and imperialism and its impact on farming as a whole. In an adamant tone, he explained how utilizing artificial means of planting crops to boost production is actually very dangerous and has a significant impact on the community’s health. He strongly suggested: “Everything must be organic.” In the midst of all that I had been thinking about this past weekend, I immediately identified a profound metaphor pertinent to my life within the process of simple farming. How when anything grows, or when anyone grows- like when one pursues his or her dreams- it must be organic. I gradually became both convicted and dangerously aware of my selfishness, as if some shady assailant plunged a dagger into my viscera and I slowly bled. I easily saw that there are a lot of inorganic things in my life that have been keeping me from growing in every sense of the word: destroying my spiritual and physical health; that have been choking out the growth of the seeds of destiny that had planted here. I reminisce of the verse in Scripture about the parable of the sower and yes, at times I feel as if my roots are certainly not firmly rooted in Him. But rather, I have been whoring my destiny for petty cravings as the ancient Israelites did with the golden calf regardless of God giving them freedom from Egypt’s slavery. Material things. Flippant emotional investments. Idols and false gods. Mindless consumption and distraction. All of these inorganic things with promises of yield, increased production, efficiency, pleasure… are lies. It’s hard for me to realize these things when I’ve become so comfortable; these amazing blessings have become but a dual edged sword; a tool to build a vast destiny and legacy or destroy generations to come. Sin is most dangerous when you aren’t aware of its effect upon you. Like the deceitful effects of pesticides and herbicides: growth, abundance, and wealth… but with a toxic and lethal cost.

I digress, the Philippines is flippin’ awesome. I’m so happy to see my relatives again and I’m having a really great time so far. Hopefully I don’t get sunburn like I always do.

Verse of the day:

Matthew 13:22

“The ones who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful.”

(organic) nak.

The Adventures of NAK: Philippines Edition

Sun, 19 May 2013 21:31:08 -0700

For the next few days, I invite you to journey with me into the inner corridors of my mind, freshly furnished with the many awesome experiences, thoughts, and realizations brought about by my recent expedition to The Philippines. Consider this as your boarding pass into NAK’s imagination jetplane!

How corny.

nak.

Envision 2013 featuring NAK | Facebook

Sat, 18 May 2013 21:39:48 -0700

Envision 2013 featuring NAK | Facebook:

Central Cali heads! Show on May 26th in Fresno! :D

nakhiphopshop — Home

Sat, 18 May 2013 21:38:55 -0700

nakhiphopshop — Home:

The official shop of nakhiphop.

Hey guys! Sorry, I’ve been away for a while. My internet has been acting up. The shop is now open again and will be shipping out orders this Monday.

This guy sucks. #hummingbird

Fri, 17 May 2013 14:38:30 -0700

This guy sucks.
#hummingbird

Mom, he got on the roof again. #rooftop

Thu, 16 May 2013 16:07:53 -0700

Mom, he got on the roof again.
#rooftop

Stay fly.

Wed, 15 May 2013 18:46:31 -0700

Stay fly.

Perspective. #glass #city #balcony

Wed, 15 May 2013 18:18:18 -0700

Perspective.
#glass #city #balcony

Photo

Tue, 14 May 2013 06:56:04 -0700

Facebook

Mon, 13 May 2013 22:24:08 -0700

Facebook:

Central Cali heads! Show on May 26th in Fresno! :D

Quick Updates

Sun, 12 May 2013 07:50:41 -0700

Hai. :3

Sorry for being so silent for these past few weeks, yo. I’m currently in Taipei and finally caught a moment to surf the web. I’ve been on an epic journey overseas and will be returning home within the next day. Expect huge blog posts, pictures, videos, and a bunch of other fun things. The shop will be back up within a few days, and I have a plethora of shows lined up for the next few months!

And last but certainly not least…
I PASSED MY BOARD EXAM!!!
As of May 6, 2013, I am officially a Registered Nurse in the state of California.

nak, RN-BSN.

‘Smell ya later, America.

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 22:53:56 -0700

‘Smell ya later, America.

Dice counters. #mtg #monoblack

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 20:54:46 -0700

Dice counters. #mtg #monoblack

The shop will be closing down tonight and will be down for about a month! Today is the last day to...

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 14:40:15 -0700

The shop will be closing down tonight and will be down for about a month! Today is the last day to purchase your nakhiphop merchandise :D

To purchase, click “shop” at my website:

www.nakhiphop.com

Reminder: The nakhiphopshop will be closing next Monday and...

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 18:14:39 -0700

Reminder: The nakhiphopshop will be closing next Monday and final orders will be accepted no later than Monday night, 10PST. I will be out of town for approximately one month and will not be able to accept orders during that time. Get your merchandise now before it’s too late!

To access the online store, click the “shop” link in the navigation bar at my website:

www.nakhiphop.com

The nakhiphopshop will be closing next Monday and final orders...

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 15:48:52 -0700

The nakhiphopshop will be closing next Monday and final orders will be accepted no later than Monday night, 10PST. I will be out of town for approximately one month and will not be able to accept orders during that time. Get your merchandise now before it’s too late!

To access the online store, click the “shop” link in the navigation bar at my website:
www.nakhiphop.com

The nakhiphopshop will be closing next Monday and final orders...

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 10:31:30 -0700

To access the online store, click the “shop” link in the navigation bar at my website:

www.nakhiphop.com

nak.

Truthfully, I’m not a a big fan of Starbucks coffee. But...

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 10:10:18 -0700

Truthfully, I’m not a a big fan of Starbucks coffee.
But I do like the music they play. #starbucks #nclexrn #kaplan